Your ice cream is dripping...duh.

Ok, so the girl I think I like won't date a smoker.  No problem.  I can quit, been wanting to for a while now.  Doesn't every smoker say that?  Monday.  Doesn't every smoker say that, too???  Well, I have a gift on my desk Monday morning.  That's very strange.  Small bag, noisy filler stuff on top and tons and tons of gum.  I was completely shocked.  I mean we had a first date to see her Uncle Walter play at the Marketplace (not the band we saw, but it's still Walter going bang bang on the drum so check them out 1916) and we ate Coldstone, so that counts as a meal and that means a date.  Once again, that's one of those things she denies.  So, I have this bag of gum.  Yeah, I better try and keep this girl.  The next day comes and after my first time playing bingo at an actual bingo hall (if you haven't done it, you gotta try it at least once) I ask her to be my girlfriend.  How lame is that?  But she says yes.  I reach in for the kiss to seal the deal and DENIED.

What?  No kiss?  I could have sworn that's what happens.  Sorry, try again later.  After a couple days, I finally tell her, "I would like a kiss from my girlfriend."  And it finally happens.  So we are a thing, a couple, I have a girlfriend.  I thought this doesn't happen anymore.  But I like it, I like it a lot, I love her.  Wait what?  Yup, after months of talking non-stop, late nights get pulled over by the police, work everyday, I have fallen in love.  Completely.  I don't quite know how it happened, or when it happened, but I do know why it happened.  We were meant for each other.  It's funny how life turns out.  Never thought there was somebody out there like her.  I have to keep her...for good.  Time to propose.

So here's the plan: The Marketplace.  Get Coldstone.  Eat at the fountain.  Have entire family for the proposal.  Don't look like an idiot.  Not quite that easy.  I decide to propose at the fountain at the Marketplace.  We had our first date there, its nice, should be quiet, 110 degrees in the Bakersfield heat, all our family can be there.  I figure 3:00 on July 25th, 2007 would be the day and time.  So the family is there.  I can see them in the back, but Morgan can't see them.  So, slowly they creep on around the fountain and start taking pictures.  Morgan is just sitting there all cute, eating her ice cream, no idea I am soooo nervous!  It's time.  I gotta do, what I gotta do.  Ask her to marry me.  So do it.  Now.  Do it.  Just do it.  It could have been a freakin' Nike commercial.  All I was thinking was 'Just do it.'  Everyone is there.  20 feet away.  She still has no idea.  So what do I do?  Nothing.  My brain is shutdown.  I am about to say something...My brain is coming back around.  Everyone can see that I am about to ask right now!!!  And for absolutely no reason what-so-ever, I blurt out in a complete moment of duh...
"Your ice cream is dripping."

I won't date a guy that smokes...so she says.

Ever been MySpace stalked?  I have.  And I married her.  Crazy huh?  Well, it's not quite that bad.  

So the new girl forgets my name...seconds after telling her.  Horrible.  So she did what any girl would do after meeting a guy, finds out my name and immediately gets on MySpace and finds out whatever she could about me.  And then I get the friend request.  Oh yeah!  Might have forgot my name but at least she didn't forget me.

We worked together for a while.  I would come down to the first floor and get some food, they always have food in Building Inspection, and give an occasional "Hi" to that cute new girl.  Then she got sent up to work on the fifth floor, my floor.  She denies it, but she would take the long way to the copier and just so happens that my desk is in that path.  Oh yeah!  Things are going well.  Still didn't like her, I was too busy and again, I didn't want a real girlfriend.  I would smile as she went by and then I would try to time going the printer just perfectly so that when she would come back around the corner I would be walking back to my desk and BAM!!!  We would accidentally bump into each other.  Good times.  Well, this flirting went on for a few months and then I started really liking her.  I thought about it and realized "I could be with this girl for a while.  She is a good girl."  So after talking and such for a while, I try to get a reading on how much she likes me.  And I think she really does like me.....strangely.  But then the absolute worst thing I could have ever of heard...I would have taken "I have a kid," over what I was about to hear.  So she says,
"I won't date a guy that smokes."